Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
