You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
