Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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