are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
