it hurts more in the daytime
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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