I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
