I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
