I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
