SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
