Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
