Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You took a bar mat shot.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
