I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
