On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
