He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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