'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
