the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
