May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
