I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
