I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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