did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
