I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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