If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
