btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
