I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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