mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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