I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
