did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
