Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
