Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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