I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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