T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
