i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
