It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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