You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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