You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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