i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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