Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize