If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize