i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Drake has all the answers
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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