haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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