I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Couch. On fire.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
