when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
