A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
