K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
what the fuck happened to the tacos
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
