Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
