You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
