Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
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