we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
