My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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