I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
