i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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