Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
