If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize