I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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