I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I have fence marks all over my body
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
