To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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