Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
