This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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