oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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