we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
