Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
she pinky promised me she was 18
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
