id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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